Vintage Class

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Calvary Love


I googled some quotes by Amy Carmichael tonight, because alot of what I've been praying about puts me in a lot of ways very close to the person Amy was, as a single woman and as a missionary. I started reading through the quotes, and about 3/4ths of them were quotes on "Calvary Love". I will explain...the Lord was teaching me a hard lesson last week and I had begun to develop some anger and bitterness toward someone involved in that lesson. As I walked down the hallway, I was thinking over the situation and the Lord brought immediately into my mind a sermon Mr. Johnny Pope had preached on mercy from the Cross some years ago at PCC. He was speaking specifically of forgiveness and said "Christ was on the Cross saying 'Father, forgive them when NO ONE was saying I'm sorry. If you cannot forgive like that, then you know nothing of Calvary Love." I stopped dead in my tracks and realized God was trying not only to teach me this Calvary Love, but cultivate deep in me. I asked for forgiveness and made restoration and tonight as I was googling these quotes, many more than I expected came up, and I felt the need to share....

"If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or the twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I am perturbed by the reproach and misunderstanding that may follow action taken for the good of souls for whom I must give account; if I cannot commit the matter and go on in peace and in silence, remembering Gethsemane and the cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love...

If when an answer I did not expect comes to a prayer which I believed I truly meant, I shrink back from it; if the burden my Lord asks me to bear be not the burden of my heart's choice, and I fret inwardly and do not welcome His will, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I do not give a friend "The benefit of the doubt," but put the worst construction instead of the best on what is said or done, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I am content to heal a hurt slightly, saying "Peace, peace," where is no peace; if I forget the poignant word "Let love be without dissimulation" and blunt the edge of truth, speaking not right things but smooth things, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If when I am able to discover something which has baffled others, I forget Him who revealeth the deep and secret things, and knoweth what is in the darkness and showeth it to us; if I forget that it was He who granted that ray of light to His most unworthy servant, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I take offence easily; if I am content to continue in cold unfriendliness, though friendship be possible, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If the ultimate, the hardest, cannot be asked of me; if my fellows hesitate to ask it and turn to someone else, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If my attitude be one of fear, not faith, about one who has disappointed me; if I say, "Just what I expected," if a fall occurs, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I belittle those whom I am called to serve, talk of their weak points in contrast perhaps with what I think of as my strong points; if I adopt a superior attitude, forgetting "Who made thee to differ? and what hast thou that thou hast not received?" then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I fear to hold another to the highest goal because it is so much easier to avoid doing so, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I can easily discuss the shortcomings and the sins of any; if I can speak in a casual way even of a child's misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I cast up a confessed, repented, and forsaken sin against another, and allow my remembrance of that sin to colour my thinking and feed my suspicions, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I find myself half-carelessly taking lapses for granted, "Oh, that's what they always do." "Oh, of course she talks like that, he acts like that," then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I do not look with eyes of hope on all in whom there is even a faint beginning, as our Lord did when, just after His disciples had wrangled about which of them should be accounted the greatest, He softened His rebuke with those heart-melting words, "Ye are they which continue with Me in my temptations," then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I am afraid to speak the truth lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, "You do not understand", or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other's highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I am inconsiderate about the comfort of others, or their feelings, or even of their little weaknesses; if I am careless about their little hurts and miss opportunities to smooth their way; if I make the sweet running of household wheels more difficult to accomplish, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me; if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I have not the patience of my Saviour with the souls who grow slowly; if I know little of travail (a sharp and painful thing) till Christ be fully formed in them, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If in fellowship of service I seek to attach a friend to myself, so that others are caused to feel unwanted; if my friendships do not draw others deeper in, but are ungenerous (i.e., to myself, for myself), then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If my interest in the work of others is cool; if I think in terms of my own special work; if the burdens of others are not my burdens too, and their joys mine, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I slip into the place that can be filled by Christ alone, making myself the first necessity to a soul instead of leading it to fasten upon Him, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I feel bitterly toward those who condemn me, as it seems to me, unjustly, forgetting that if they knew me as I know myself they would condemn me much more, then I know nothing of Calvary love....

If I can write an unkind letter, speak an unkind word, think an unkind thought without grief and shame, then I know nothing of Calvary love." -Amy Carmichael


... I have alot to learn about Calvary Love.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

When the cock crows

I went to my Bible tonight to Luke 22 to read over what I thought was the story of the Jesus washing the disciples feet, but found the Lord had a different story for me...

In Luke 22 starting around verse 24, Jesus and the disciples have the Last Supper and Christ tells the disciples one of them will betray Him and that one is at the table; so, the disciples start striving about who will be greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven (I will jokingly say this is typical of the disciples, they turn inward). Christ speaks to them about who will be the first and the last and then addresses Peter in vs. 31 & 32, "And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted (here this means when you have returned to me), strengthen thy brethren." Then in vs. 33, Peter, instead of heeding, makes a determination-which he may have thought he could keep-but we come to vs. 40 where they enter the Garden's entrance with Christ and He gives them an opportunity to prepare for this temptation: "...Pray that ye enter not into temptation."

We follow Christ into the Garden and we see that He DOES this-placing Himself in perfect subjection to the Father's will. What does the mighty Peter do?-Vs. 45: "And when he rose up from prayer, and was come to his disciples, he found them sleeping for sorrow." So in vs. 46 Jesus commands once more, but it is too late. Peter now enters into the arrest and the leading away with no spiritual readiness, but completely relying on himself.

He follows Christ "afar off" after the arrest and now enters into the hall of temptation; Vs. 57-once he denies; Vs. 58-twice he denies; Vs. 60-the third denial. The end of vs. 60-62 reads, "...And immediately, while he yet spake, the cock crew. And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And Peter went out, and wept bitterly."

Wow-there are few words for this. As I read this I saw a parallel of myself; Peter relied on the rock of himself saying I-ME-I will not deny thee; he gave no place to the very Lord he promised to defend. God gave him several chances to prepare-to steady his mind for the events and days to come and when they came, he was not ready. I don't just need to be weeping bitterly over failure-I need to be asking the Lord for strength BEFORE the trial even begins. Every time I let myself meditate on Enemy thoughts, I am denying I know Him, and proving I'd rather associate with the Enemy. This all comes from the little I know about Him.

Christ did just the opposite; when He knelt to pray in the Garden, He was honest before the Lord; He subjected His will to His Father's and vs. 43 says, "And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, STRENGTHENING him." He was prepared to die before it came time to! He had gathered the strength to-and NOT from Himself!

The beautiful thing is Christ did not throw Peter away; Peter became a very powerful messenger of the Gospel after this and maybe it took Peter realizing who he was and who God IS for this repentance. Chapter 24, vs. 12 brings us to Mary Magdalene and the others telling the disciples of SEEING Christ and the empty tomb, and who was first to run? Vs. 12, "Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre..." That empty tomb made a change on Peter-once a denying, sleeping disciple-now a preaching martyr. It was the realization that God was who He said He was! The knowledge of God changed Peter's life-he was now TRULY devoted.

In my study Bible is a "character profile" of Peter, and it is beautiful- "Impulsive Peter certainly didn't at like a rock much of the time, but when Jesus chose His followers, He wasn't looking for models-He was looking for men. He chose people who could be changed by His love, and then He sent them out to communicate that His acceptance was available to anyone-even to those who often fail." Peter's key verse, Matthew 16:18 says, "Thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it."

God did a beautiful work in Peter, but maybe Peter had to realize what he was before God could use him as that rock-he had to first realize the Rock he had to stand upon. I read this story in tears thinking of my own denial of Christ; placing myself in Christ's view then in Peter's-sharing the moment they looked upon one another in realization of his sin, his hurt of his Master and Friend, and then the overwhelming thought was the very action of denial was the sin Christ was on His way to die for! We were made to live DEPENDENTLY on Him, not on our own reasoning or calming or security. The more we gain the knowledge of God, the more we see Him as He is meant to be seen, and the more we are overwhelmed to silence in view of the GREATNESS of who He is!

God has been trying to teach me this for a very long time and I have been drowning Him out with theories, with excuses, with reasonings, with rituals-ALL NOISE, and then adding to it daily my own voice shouting above all else "Be Quiet! Be Quiet! Be Quiet!" And God now shows me it's not me shouting to quiet, it's me stopping talking altogether so that I can hear His voice! We let this noise in and our hearts and souls come to the strain of not hearing God even if we WANTED to.

I was shopping for the summer yesturday and came on this cute little black dress that was light and nice looking and when I saw the tag, immediately I heard His voice saying "You don't need to buy that; you have plenty of clothes and you need to be a good steward of the money I give you." I picked it up and bought it anyway, justifying back and forth in my head as I picked out other things I truly needed that it was ok for me to buy the dress. I got to the cashier and she rung everything up and as she finished the purchase and I pulled out a track and (here's great Christ-like character for you) as I was asking her to read it, I heard once more, "Don't buy the dress" and in my head and in my heart I said to the Lord, "Be Quiet-I want it." She must have mistaken me for a zombie because I stared straight ahead all the way to the car thinking "I can't believe I just said that." So I got in the car, drove about 5 miles down the road, asking the Lord all the way if He didn't want me to get the dress (seriously?!), so I pulled over and finally reasoned in my guilty conscience, "If in doubt, don't". I turned around and drove back to the store, now asking the Lord "Are you SURE You don't want me to have it" and listing out every reason I could think of to turn back around and go home. I got to the store, returned the dress, gave another track to the second cashier, and walked back out to the car the whole time thinking, "Ok, Lord, I don't know why You had me do that but I am sorry I disobeyed and I will listen from now on." As I was talking to the Lord that night, He started revealing more and more to be about Himself and I realized as I was sitting there just basking in the knowledge of God that that incident wasn't about the dress at all-it was about me hearing the voice of God, and OBEYING.

I had become muddied, just as Peter did, ultimately with the cares of myself-with things that revolve around me and don't at all include the Lord in the picture and guess what, God didn't intend for life to run successfully WITHOUT Him in the picture! Until we abide in the knowledge of God, there is no hope, but WHEN we abide in the knowledge of God, there is an AMAZING amount of hope! I am seeing this proven true in my own life right now and I write as one who is weeping bitterly because of the constant denial of Christ in my life. Satan may desire to sift me, but Christ desires something greater, and it is when the cock crows that the Lord reveals to me who I really am, and what needs to change.

Christ seeks to quiet the noisy soul and make that change, but we have to allow Him to pluck up the cares of the world, and take root Himself.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

"To Chester"

Wow...I have not written in literally a month, I'm sorry for my sake and for the sake of Christ- He has done such wonderful things and now I must repeat them...

Well, starting as preface, I was not supposed to go out on seminar at all until April, but even as I say that I smile thinking the Lord always moves before we can ever see. I had been praying that if the Lord willed it, I would be able to go to Ft. Wayne and Kokomo, the two seminars I traveled to last year. I wasn't assigned to those teams but I knew if the Lord wanted me there He would arrange it, as He always does. It was the week of and as far as I knew I was staying at the building and was more than ok with that! We were leaving a night meeting and Nicole passed me on the way out and mentioned me possibly going to both of those homeschool groups to help with directing, since I had already been in the play we were taking out. I talked with Noah the next day and the next thing I know I am packing to go out on seminar for two weeks!

As some people know, I have really been battling against the devil with panic attacks this year and Sunday, the day we were to leave on seminar was the ultimate culmination of these attacks. Right before we walked out the door, fear started welling up in me-irrational fears at that of "once I leave, I can't get back" ... whatever the fear, ultimately FEAR was at the core. So, the 12 hour ride for me was filled with panic attacks big and small on and off, stomach pain, and the inability to eat. (Talk about what fear truly is-you take a person who once desired to jump from airplanes and ride the world's most intense coasters to one who is now afraid to even get in the van...that, my friends, is NOT of God). We carpooled both teams until we were about an hour from the Cinci area where we were to split to our separate destinations. Rach on the way up had had some pretty intense stomach pain as well but rested most of the trip so I didn't think much of it. We all stopped at Fazoli's for dinner; I still couldn't eat and I knew what I needed to do- talk with the Lord, so I just started walking around the building. I must've walked that building for almost 45 minutes, and He kept bringing to my mind the story of Christ being temped by Satan in the wilderness, and the fact that His main defense was Scripture. I knew what I needed to do-I have all along, and that was to GET IN THE WORD. I had read them, but they were easily forgotten in the hour of trial because I had not taken the time to ENGRAVE them into my heart, or trusted in them enough to do so. I had planned to get in the van for the 2 hours we had left to drive that night and just fill my mind and heart with them and as I walked the building I noticed Rach, Joe, David, and Rach's family, who'd come to meet us for dinner, were all gathered around the van.

I took one more turn around the building and as I was almost done I was asking the Lord to help me in whatever way was necessary to help me get over these panic attacks- they had gotten to the point where I couldn't even function one hour without panic...I just didn't feel like I could be myself anymore. That sounds kind of dramatic but to go through every day with that thought of panic in the back of your mind kills everything, fun and tasking, that you have in life! It's miserable really...but I bore it, whether out of pride or laziness...I bore it. As soon as I prayed it, it seemed as if the Lord stopped me dead in my tracks and said "You are going to main direct Boggs 2 these next two weeks." Immediately, if I'm remembering correctly, even vocally, I said "No. I CANNOT do that, Lord." I finished around the building and headed to the van asking the Lord to prepare me for whatever lay ahead and as soon as I rounded the corner of the van, Rachel looked at me and said "How do you feel about main directing for the first few days?" I don't remember even thinking before I spoke, but I know what I heard from my own mouth was "You got it."

I know they spoke words to me after that, but I don't remember anything except the "Are you INSANE" going through my head and the matching pounding from my heart. They talked for a few more minutes and I backed down and sat on the curb and just reviewed over and over what had just come out of my mouth. I had agreed to main direct a 2.5 hour elementary and high school production. Let me see if I can put this into perspective for those not involved in our ministry...Nicole Stratton wrote and directed Boggs 2, a story about 12 kids(the sequel to Boggs 1) who go back in time to the days of David and Goliath. Main directing is hours of intense focus, energy, WORK that it takes YEARS to train for to do properly. Nicole has been directing for over 15 years now...I have observed Nicole Stratton directing for 5 summers and 3 semesters at the Logos Theatre. I have directed small scenes here and there as an assistant director, I have done reports on acting/directing, and I got to play Laura Sharp, one of the modern day main characters in the production of Boggs 2 we did here at the Theatre...that is IT...and I realized as I thought through my situation sitting on that curb that the "IT" I just referred to was all set up previously by God to prepare me for this very moment.He set me up-He moved me onto this team, He had rachel get sick, He had all those instances set and develop prior to me ever getting to this point and I knew at this point that He had not just sent me to help, but to teach me something I desperately needed to learn.

Both teams gathered around the van and we all prayed together for wisdom and for healing. I rode the next 45 minutes getting as much information as I could from Rachel and Kara, our two main directors on the road at that time and as I can't explain it but I truly had the peace of God come over me. I felt not the spirit of fear, but rather of great power for the work, love for the work, and a sound mind to get through the work.

Our teams split after we said goodbye to Rachel and our team headed to Kokomo, IN. I did some Bible study on the way there, fell asleep for the rest of the way, and when I woke up we were heading with our host families to our houses for the night. I slept very well, but in the morning started fighting that panic again. We had our morning meeting with seminar staff and David gave us a great challenge that I don't think I heard a word of. I was fighting and I was fighting hard-I felt like any move I make would result in either me hitting the ground face first or running to the nearest trashcan. We headed out to the auditoritum and got the day kickstarted. I was nervous on and off throughout the day but the more my mind became engaged in the directing the more I forgot to panic. I tried to stay exhaustingly busy all day so I wouldn't revert back to panic mode.

We headed to our host homes that night and it was there that the panic caught up to me and the devil launched attack at full force. I felt like the room was closing in on me, that I couldn't escape and I honestly felt if I could choose to live or die at that moment in time, death would be more welcome. It sounds very dramatic again, but another proof that fear is NOT of God. I was texting Rachel and the Lord used her to remind me of what Christ had been telling me all along, that I needed to fill my head and my heart with Scripture.

I opened my Bible at Genesis and wrote down every verse in a flip book that referenced fear. I wrote until I reached 2 Chronicles and it was near that book that the Lord brought me to the story of Elisha and his servant finding the enemy camped around them. The servant came back in fear and asked Elisha "How shall we do?" and Elisha prayed that the Lord would open his eyes. When He did, the servant saw the host of Heaven, chariots of fire, surrounding them and it was at that moment the Lord showed me that I was in the same battle, the battle of good and evil, and the same host of Heaven encompassed around Elisha's servant was the same that was with me at that very moment. It was as if the Lord of the Host opened MY eyes and I was immediately strengthened.

I took that flip book throughout the next two weeks of seminars. In short, I did not stop directing after the first few days, but went almost the entire two weeks as the main director of Boggs 2. Rachel was gone the entire first week of Kokomo and had to go home again on Tuesday of our second week in Ft. Wayne. That flip book brought verses so closely to my heart that even just a glance at the verse strengthened my heart in a way I could never justifyingly describe. Everyday I have to re-fight that battle, but I've noticed that every day the panic grows even more dim in light of God's Word, the Word that has become more than just words, but Truth engraved on my heart.

I look back on those two weeks writing now and think wow....and then I shed beautifully wonderful tears over the thought of Who God is and how loving He must be to bring me to the place of COMPLETE surrender to His Power, Love, and Sound Mind- to letting Him drive me instead of fear. In both Kokomo and Fort Wayne, I started them off in the week with two phrases, the first being "Wherever you are, be all there" by Jim Elliot. It is the phrase that started the title and idea behind this blog and I wanted them to grasp the fact that they had the ability to KNOW God, as more than just fact, but in a deeper way than anything else they knew in their lives. The second was "All in...100%...Commit...to Him" We repeated this phrase before each performance and though I see and hear testimonies of the kids determining to live by this Truth, I look back on these two weeks and know that the Lord did the most miraculous change in my own heart... a heart that now says fully from experience that "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of Power, and of Love, and of a Sound Mind."

It is kind of humorous irony, but when the kids get sent back in time, Chester, Professor Boggs personal assistant, finds a note from him tucked in his hat that says, "To Chester: God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of Power, and of Love, and of a Sound Mind." These past two weeks were a "To Chester" from the Lord to me...and that is a lesson I never want to forget.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

A Love WORTH breaking over

Well, I should start with a preface this time....

Our church has really been emphasizing knowing God, and more importantly the Lord specifically to me has at what seems every turn been showing THAT is the one thing that is needful, to know Him, and be satisfied with nothing else. Wednesday night, I got alone to pray and found I could ask the Lord for nothing else but for a broken heart. Last night that is exactly what He gave me...

I was headed home from our Celtic Sounds Cast Party last night and now that I look back I am very thankful there was no one else in the car with me, because it gave me some much needed talk time with the Lord. I had something on my mind the last part of the evening and on the way home I ended up just crying before the Lord over the fact that it takes circumstances to show me He is not desired first in my heart. I drove for quite a while and as I was talking to Him, the street lights caught on my ring.

I wear a ring on my right hand that I received from my Gema this past year. We found out she had Pancreatic Cancer last April and she passed away just this year on August 9. When we found out she had the cancer, I called her and we had ourselves a 20 minute phone conversation (unheard of for the two of us) filled with hilarious laughter and joking and a good mix of tears. She told me before she hung up the phone that if she could leave me with anything it was that she wished she had been closer to the Lord, and told me to follow the Lord as closely as I could, and not to let anything stand in the way of that. When she passed away, I sang and spake at her funeral and told them exactly what I just told you, and then said I was going to take her up on that advice. When we got back to the house, my Papa asked my aunt's, cousin, and I to go through her jewelry and take anything we wanted to keep for ourselves. We had fun telling stories that went with each piece of jewelry but when they got to the ring my Aunt called me out and said I should take it. They all agreed so I took it and that night as I laid in bed I thought of what she had left me with.

I had been in a time in my life where knowing the Lord was secondary to everything else, and through the whole process of her cancer, the Lord taught me not only the brevity of my life, but the brevity of the chance to know Him in my lifetime. I decided to wear the ring on my ring finger and on my right hand to signify that He is my greatest love and that He has control of my life and as a commitment between the Lord and myself that I was going to keep Him as the priority of my heart. I'm trying to be more transparent and not appear perfect so I will say that I have not been faithful as He has, which brings me to the point of my driving home last night.

He brought me to the place of seeing where I REALLY am. I hold others in the position He should  have and I told Him that I want Him to be "all I have in Heaven and there be NOTHING on earth I desire besides Him." I want to know IN MY OWN HEART (not from anyone else's perspective of me) that I SINCERELY desire none above Him. I am tired of living from high's to low's-I want a CONSISTENT walk with Him and it's going to take a major change in my life to have that. I want a deep longing for Him and Him alone.

He got my attention last night and the beautiful thing about the Lord is that He breaks the heart and puts it back together in such a way that I am the better for it. I do not want my life before the Creator to be marked by constantly giving away His Throne seat. He MUST be first and I want to rise and set by Him everyday.

This ring on my finger I believe was specifically placed by God to be a reminder to me that He is to be first. It is the same as if the man I love one day were to place a ring of commitment on my finger-I would never think of giving away his spot in my heart, so why should it be any different with the One who gave me life? If God ever does have me marry, I want to stand before my husband and present this ring as a token that God has and always will have first precedent in my life, and as a future commitment that He will have first place in our marriage as well. I want to stand before the Lord ultimately, He and I BOTH knowing that He was my greatest Love-my only Love.

I pray He continues to break me! It hurt ALOT last night, but that is the best pain I've felt in a while because it brought me to see that I was being mended in HIS Hands.

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Game

I have to record the epic happenings at the Logos Theatre tonight..it would just be a shame not to :)

02-16-2012.... THE GAME

A few weeks ago, the staff and student women put our heads together in suggestion for doing something for the boys for Valentines Day..they do the usual "all-out, treat us like Queens" and we thought it would be neat to do the same for them. So we started thinking of something we could do for them that would make their jaws drop ;) We came up with "The Game".

During on of Mr. Hines Leadership class sessions, he told us of a human video game he created once upon a time for a youth retreat activity and he said the kids LOVED it, so Janie became the head mastermind and got started on the epic adventure that panned out tonight!

We kicked all the guys out of the building around 2 and had until 5pm to set up the entire building into a live video game. The guys got back at 5 and we ushered them into "Game Central" aka the Garlock Room, where I was assigned as the Game Guide to brief them for each round. I was dressed like a sparkling fairy guide lol and when I got up on the stool to make the opening remarks I don't think they knew what to do lol...I ending up looking like an ethereal hologram lol, so it worked. We told them they had entered the Game and were all digital forms now, having to play successfully through to exit the Game. After the first briefing, they were split up into teams of 4 and 5 and each team sent with a guide, (Kara, Hannah, and MG) who took them from room to room completing various challenges that would earn them "man points". They had to complete challenges like building a fire under a time limit being given only one match, relay races, a food eating contest, and then they ended with a timed event of four minutes per team,where each team had to act out a scenario to the music being played, with my trusty sidekick, Agent Paco, switching the music ever 30 seconds! It was HYSTERICAL and all "agents" were definitely trying to keep a straight face!
During the final stages of this game to end level 1, the lights shut off immediately and agents Robertson and Little came in and told everybody to hit the floor with their hands behind their heads. I wish I had a video of the guys, they all got really quiet and kept their hands behind their heads while agents scanned them for zombie infestation. We then briefed them on a possible zombie infiltration and told them they needed to prepare(all being VERY serious the entire time). They were all blindfolded and taken up to a security checkpoint we had created for them to walk through, after which they passed they received a "man card" stating they had completed level one and were now man enough to fight the zombies. Before they made it back, they had to drink a special "tonic" from Christie to test for infestation and if they gagged it meant they were infected (it was apple cider vinegar lol).

After they had equipped, we brought them back to the briefing room, which, along with the rest of the halls, had been completely trashed to insinuate an invasion had occured. We briefed them on the fact that zombies had indeed penetrated the game, and all game pieces were now
Level 3 of The Game-Zombie Breach
zombies, including their guides. (this brought an audible gasp..I mean they were REALLY getting into it!) We gave them the rules, that Zombies could not be killed or their digital forms would be void of exiting the game; instead they had to capture the zombies by blindfolding them and bringing them back to command central where all of them would be revived back into human form. (All during this time, our "agents" zombi-fied themselves) It was like an epic battle of laser tag mixed with capturethe flag, and they were hard core about it! There were only a few times I broke character during the game, and one was when I heard ben-jack say to one of our zombies, "It's ok zombie, we are here to help you"..hard core... so after level three, they all returned to the briefing room where we revived all agents, and noticed that 2 had been captured by a game hacker, who had taken them up to the E-bar.
It was now up to the husbands of the damsels in distress to save them, but the catch all was they couldn't do anything but give the orders for rescue, while their teams, all partnered and arms tied together, had to build the scaffolding to get them down. It was definitely a feat, and they did it! Eruption of applause and cheers broke out as the damsels and their husbands climbed down and were safely brought back to the front of the stage.

We ended the night with a briefing and congratulations to our guys for completing the game, and it was definitely a night that will not be forgotten! Thanks guys for the fun night and all the encouraging days you've brought before and we know you'll bring after :) What an awesome group God has blessed us with! May that continue!

Hologram Game Guide ;)
Levi up against agent Ohler for fire-building man competition
They got the fire started ;)
Agent Fike briefing on man points for her team







Guys getting tested for Zombie Infestation ;)
Agent Paco, my sidekick!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Taking the Challenge to dust your Light...

I do not know God as I should-simple and true fact.

I've been underdeveloped in my perception of Who God is, and overdeveloped in my perception of myself. I awoke Saturday morning with more of a desire to do my hair than to spend time in His Word and it is at that point that change needs to happen. So I decided to do the undone in my life- go out with the Lord. I do not mean that irreverently in comparison to human terms but I thought of is this way: If I got asked out by a male-type individual, I would take time to make myself look nice and I would be EXCITED (if I were normal) to spend time with said person. And as time develops and you come to love someone, you take the TIME to show them the love you possess for them...So why do I not regard the Lord in such a way? I'm not joking- why does the Lord receive less excitement and attention than temporal things? SO- I woke up, got as dressed up as I could, did my hair, and left for a time alone with the Lord.

I went to a place near where I live called Lake Robinson and I sat down with my Bible and asked the Lord to show me Himself, really and truly. I want a changed perception, a changed heart, and a changed life as a result of both of those things. I'm telling this story not to magnify my own spirituality but to state in truth that I have reached stagnant Christianity, or rather fallen into it and I'm hoping whoever you are from whatever country you hail from that you can identify with this same position and see the need for a change. So here is a glimpse into my time alone with the Lord, and what He gave to me:

"I was reading John last night before bed and the first 7 verses are what I stayed on, 'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word WAS God (By delving more in to the Word, I delve more in to Christ!) The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him and without him was not anything made that was made. In HIM was LIFE; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe.' WOW-He existed solely to let that Light of Christ shine through him! I googled facts about light last night, since Christ describes Himself as Light and 2 facts in particular stuck out to me. The first was 'Light is a form of energy which our sense of sight can detect.' So by being filled with Christ everyday-the Light of the Word will radiate from me and be detected by others-WOW! The second fact was this, 'A heavy coat of dust can block up to half of the light.' So of course, Jenn's mind goes to "What is so awful about dust" lol...interestingly it said this, 'At the surface, dust seems so harmless. It's just that random 'stuff' that collects on undisturbed surfaces in our homes. It's just a little dust from outside right? If only the story of dust were so innocent and innocuous. The true story is that dust is simply disgusting. Dust contains inoffensive items such as fabric fibers and salt crystals to more alarming substances including ash, fingernail filings, human skin scales, fungal spores and insect fragments. The solution? Regular housecleaning, minimizing dust-collecting display items and keeping clothing stored properly-just to name a few.' WOW-I felt like those articles were written specifically to me! The Light is over half-blocked by dust..I am supposed to be displaying the Light for all men to see, but I can state plainly right now I have dust that has collected on my heart. Dust has the opportunity to lay when I feed it with things that disgust the Lord-things like pride, hatred, feet that are swift in running to mischief, lieing, wandering eyes-ALL of these are sins I have struggled many times with and now I see what they have done to my heart. They have not only hindered my Christian walk but they have hurt my testimony for Christ. Yesturday I walked around the building and just sat on the front steps for a little while talking to the Lord. I've really been struggling with the fact that I do not know God like I should. Ive made wrong assumptions about His character because I don't know Him, and I know I need to know Him more but my flesh has been fighting that. I had become a discouraged mess, but when I stopped to talk to Him, He seemed to say 'I am calling you to growth-to a higher standard-to KNOW ME MORE.' I have come to place where I'm standing still, where I find I am content in what I know of God and that is a WRONG contentment because I have no desire to make the effort to know Him more!
Since Seth's accident, it's like I've been mourning as if he's dead, assuming the Lord to allow hurt instead of rejoicing in the fact that He chose to show mercy and glorying in the fact that He saved me from my sin in GRACE AND LOVE. THAT is what has been wrong at the core-I've come to the realization that I do not KNOW my God as I ought to know Him and I feel an emptiness because of that. I came out here today to seek to change that! I want our relationship to be special and in order to show that Light I've got to be cleaned and refilled everyday! That starts with being sill, with memorizing Scripture, with displaying the characteristics of the Sweet Teacher-but again, all those tings cannot come without KNOWING Him and I've got to know Him. He is calling and I desire to respond to that call! I want to know You, Lord; I want to ever grow in that knowledge of You and that's not something that can stop here-it's got to continue throughout the rest of my life!.'

So where do we go from here? I started at the very beginning-Genesis 1:1, and I'm going to read through this Incredible Book writing down everything the Lord gives me about Himself. I want a renewed view, a washed heart of all assumption and a TRUE knowledge of the One Who created me! I'm finding all the answers are in that wonderful Book and for every situation, the solution resides in the knowledge of God.

I've given myself the challenge and if you will, step up with me and do the same. I desire to stand before my closest Friend in Eternity..not an acquaintance, and to know that the "well-done" came only because the knowledge of Him gave me the strength to carry on.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Listening to His voice tonight

What am I to do, Lord, when life robs my every word? I will listen to Yours...

"He will never leave me, nor forsake me"...."Fear thou not, for I will be with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee, yea I will help thee, yea I will uphold thee by the right hand of my righteousness."...."So when you don't understand the purpose of His plan-in the presence of the King, bow the knee"..."I run to Christ when chased by fear and find a refuge sure; "Believe in me" His voice I hear, His words and wounds secure; I run to Christ when torn by grief and find abundant peace; "I too had tears" He gently speaks, thus joy and sorrow meet"..."Jesus Christ the same yesturday, and today, and FOREVER"...."God who heals us; God who gives us peace and hope; God who listens, carries all our fragile dreams and heartaches, wins and failures, binds the broken, lifts the weak, new beginnings freely offered-Who can make us whole again"...."Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever"...."God is too wise to be mistaken; God is too good to be unkind, so when you don't understand, when you don't see His plan, if you can't trace His hand-trust His heart"...."In His presence there is comfort, in His presence there is peace, when we seek to know His heart, we can find such blessed assurance in the presence of the Lord".......................what time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee....

"I hear my Savior say, "Thy strength indeed is small; Child of weakness, watch and pray-find in ME thine all in all- Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe; sin had left a crimson stain, he washed it white as snow."

Saturday, January 21, 2012

CHOOSING to lean

What a lesson to be learned from the lily...

This week has been our Basket of Flowers performance week at the Logos Theatre...prep work and 2 performances today. I am sitting typing this on the same bed I asked the Lord for strength this morning in the realization that He gave me exactly what I needed. If there has been anything I've learned MOST from this production, it is that He is WAITING to hold us up if we'll let Him...but that's the key- actually leaning. I asked for strength this morning and during practice started feeling a panic attack and a weakness come on- i started to give in to it and the Lord seemed to say "you don't have to give in to this" - wait, I CAN give it to the Lord....and so I did. I think today was the first time I've ever done that in my life- rebuke the devil and he will flee from you! And do you know what the most amazing part of it was???-He kept His word. Mary Grace poked her head into my bed this morning and said the Lord had laid it on her heart to give me a verse and it was Isaiah 41:10, "Fear thou not, for I will be with thee. Be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee, yea I will help thee, yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." And you tell me that God doesn't speak anymore!! I took God at His word and He was FAITHFUL! I proved Him today, and I received His strength as a blanket of warmth in a much needed winter!
I just sit here amazed and think that maybe God gave me this part so I would learn just how much I can lean on that strength...and I'll tell you there's just nothing else worth leaning on.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Everything so undeserved

I am writing just very quickly before I head to bed tonight...I got to talking with a good friend tonight on the way back from our Basket of Flowers promo trip about our parents...there were many things said and we both agreed we had been blessed with godly parents...not just in word but in deed! It's been on my mind all the way home that what I am is shaped off of what they taught me and how they prayed for me...haha-how they STILL do! Not everyone has the privilege of waking up at 6am at home to see their father kneeling in front of the living room couch in tears with YOUR name coming out before the Lord! How truly blessed I am...and with that thought comes this one- God knew the home He would have you in before He even put you in it. He knew the parents, the siblings, the type of house, the neighborhood-He knew it all,and He still does...and He expects us to honor Him through it! He has placed us each with His goal in mind for our lives, and tonight I want to take each situation He's placed me in and apply it at its FULLEST for the glory of the Master Planner. ANYONE can do that! How blessed, how blessed am I... my mom always says, "I have no greater joy than to know that my children walk in truth." Well mom and dad- we learned it from you, and I pray God will carry that Truth in me to the next generation....thank You,Lord...for everything undeserved.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

"Wait on Me, I know the thoughts I have toward you"

Today was a day full of Jeremiah 29:11's..."For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." I looked up "expected" in my Kindle Fire's Bible dictionary and it had an interesting grouping of words at the end of the concordance definition...it described "expected" as "Something I long for". How interesting...I can trust the Lord not only to take me in the best way for me, but through that trust know when He brings about those plans they will be better than anything I could have planned for myelf- in looking back I will long for what He has brought about more than anything I wanted before I could see the entire picture in front of me.
I hope to say this as a word of encouragement tonight...today was full of "Where are you going to send me this summer, Lord"...wait on Me, I know the thoughts I have toward you... "Would a godly man ever think me worthy of being his wife?"....wait on Me, I know the thoughts I have toward you..."You are accomplishing Your plan in my good friends life, while I feel like I'm standing stagnant; what is Your plan for my life?"....wait on Me, I know the thoughts I have toward you! As I walked down the stairs to my cubicle, the Lord stopped me dead in my tracks and resounded through my head "I know the thoughts that I think toward you...thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."....He has a plan, and just because I don't see it fully laid out does not mean that He has stopped it.
It's like the moon...a few years ago I started almost having an inside moment with the Lord and the moon...everytime I was frustrated, weary, discouraged, excited, confused...any moment I had to share with the Lord, it seemed the moon was always above, shining in plain view, reminding me that God was there and would never leave me nor forsake me. One night as I was coming home and facing one of the hardest situations for me at the time, I looked up...no moon. I started getting honestly angry with the Lord, saying "Of all nights I needed to see the moon, THIS was the night" and as I pulled into my driveway the Lord gave me this thought...that just because I can't see the moon doesn't mean it isn't there...and it's the same with the Lord. Alot of times, the clouds get in the way and I can't see anything, but God is at work, developing a greater plan for me than I could ever have imagined. Those clouds didn't clear that night for a long while (I stayed in the driveway and watched them lol)...but it never changed the position of the moon...it stayed right where it had always been, and always would be.
He knows...He knows He knows He KNOWS....and I can trust Him to order my life, but I think right now the trust requires that I wait on Him...Help me welcome it, Lord...not only for the time to know You, but for the fact that it makes whatever Your plan is that much sweeter when You allow it to unfold...Give me strength, Lord to trust that You know.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

more than just by name...

How much do we really know God? I'm not talking about knowing about Him, but actually knowing Him deeply. I walked the auditorium tonight and am asking the Lord to draw me close and grow me..not just the average "grow me more like You" prayer that we don't even spend 3 minutes on...i'm talking about a heart CLEANSING! I'm tired of being a lazy Christian...I want to know God, I want to talk to Him, I want to be like Him-and not for people saying I am godly, but to be pleasing in His sight! What is He trying to accomplish in me? I want that question to penetrate my thoughts tonight....What is standing in the way of myself and the Lord? I do not wish to be stagnant, I wish to move forward and to care more about the Lord than about who thinks I am attractive or what the score is for my favorite team or how many people commented or liked my status on facebook.... these things are good but what value do they carry in Eternity?
I say I love the Lord..but by seeing my life from His eyes is it true? I want to look into His eyes in Eternity and KNOW Him..more than just by name.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

AoA...the sneak peek ;)

Well, I told you I'd write about the ministry the Lord has lead me to tonight, the Academy of Arts, but I have to check on my girls dorm lol...so here is a quick peak at just where the Lord has lead me...I hope you are able to catch the same vision that excites me to serve everyday! More to come soon... I promise :)


Thursday, January 5, 2012

I will not fear! Say that 365 times :)

Well, this is my first post since being back at the Academy of Arts this spring semester! If you all don't know about the Academy of Arts, I will post more about what the ministry is tomorrow...you won't want to miss that? ;)
The devil has really been trying to get at me with a lot of things over the course of my lifetime, but closer to home these days he has been using fear. I have just recently started struggling with panic attacks-reactions to either fear or stress that leave me sick and about ready to pass out. My family has struggled with them on and off and I didn't even know until now that that is what was going on. I went home over Thanksgiving and realized that this was more than just a need for medication, it was a lack of trust in my Heavenly Father. I prayed then that He would help bring it out of me and closer to Himself. I've been asking the Lord to help me, but I want to look up what the Bible says about fear. I think the devil specifically likes to attack me in this area because he knows the ministry the Lord has put me in is with youth specifically. As I look back, all the times I have struggled this year with these panic attacks were time I had specifically been given or designated to spend with young people involved in our ministry OR times I have had to share the truths of God's Word with them. When I thought on this, it made me more angry than anything! I am choosing to give in to these attacks from the devil and he is winning areas of my ministry because of them! So where do I go? To the Lord-He was tempted in all points just as we are yet WITHOUT sin...so what does Christ say about fear?
Exodus 4:1 gives an example of panic, "And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice; for they will say, The Lord hath not appeared unto thee." He was making a scenario before it even happened. The footnote says, "Moses' fear was caused by worrying about how the people might resond to him. We often panic over what might go wrong. God does not ask us to go where He has no provided the means to help. Trust Him to supply resources and courage at the right moment." I think here Moses gave what I give so many times. We give the excuses when God has already provided a way through, and He's only asking that we trust Him. Trusting Him thought is not a "success only" card..in Moses' case he came to Pharoah SEVERAL times before he would consent to let the people go! God doesn't promise only happiness and roses...He promises He will never leave nor forsake...and He WILL get us through!
Then there''s Daniel 2:16-18 that contrasts Daniel and his friends stopping to go before the Lord and seek wisdom. The context here was Daniel being asked to interpret the dream of the king that none of his other "wise men" could interpret. This could have been a panic situation for Daniel, but what does he do? He stops, gathers accountability, and GOES BEFORE THE LORD! Part of the footnote says, "Prayer is more effective than panic. Panic confirms your hopelessness; prayer confirms your hope in God." When I was in a situation recently where I felt a panic attack coming on, the people I was surrounded with were praying and as soon as the leader opened his mouth to pray, I felt a calming come over me- I tell myself alot that asking God for help won't really help those panic attacks, but it does if I'd let it. This past summer, I started having alot of stomach pains and cramps and several doctors that I had been to thought I might be having trouble with my gallbladder. I realized in the Fall that I had actually been housing a stomach ulcer. Before I knew what it was, I only knew there was pain, so I tried everything under the sun MYSELF to take it away. I was desperate, but I could not cure, no matter WHAT I did. I finally went to the doctor and he diagnosed me right away just by HEARING my symptoms and gave me a medication that practically cured me overnight. He was experienced, he was learned, and he had a solution to my problem when I came to Him. Why is it that we "self-treat" so often when we have the Master Physician at a knee's bow? He has exactly what we need...and is only waiting for us to come!
I remember hearing the fact that God tells us not to fear 365 times in the Bible-one for each day of the year! If God confirms it, I know He can help me conquer it. I  refuse to live in fear when God has promised to help me! Hebrews 13:5b-6 says, "...for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." Fear is going to hold me back unless I choose to believe the Lord and trust Him.
I want to find all those fear references and write the reference in every day of my calendar. Memorization is a start! If i know His Word, I can use it as a mighty Sword and continue on in ministry for the Lord! I don't just want to take that knowledge at bay..I want to know myself all of these references...everyday of the year! He hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Keep that always on my heart, Lord! May I go forth not in panic, but in peace!

Boston in the Fall..the epic adventure of our trip to meet Elizabeth Elliot

So…the thousands of people that have asked about the trip to meet Elizabeth Elliot (ok thousands is an exaggeration )…. here it is…

Day 1:
Kara Elizabeth Reish and I woke up late on Sunday morning in Pottstown, PA…yes a wonderful way to start an epic trip! When we woke up, we were both really disoriented lol and thought we had time to get ready, so after we realized we had actually gotten up late, we rushed around, loaded everything in the car and took off for Philadelphia International. I DID drive the speed limit (that was for you, father) and when we got there we still had about 40 minutes before the plane took off. So we drove around like maniacs looking for the place to drop my rental car off, and a very nice man from the wrong rental car place told us where to go lol. So we got there, dropped the car off, ran to the shuttle pick up, jumped on the shuttle and headed to the gate. We did get a chance to talk to the shuttle driver about Christ, so that was encouraging! He was asking us about our ministry and we were able to leave him with a Gospel tract which he said he would read. When we got to the gate to check our bags in, the kiosk wouldn’t let me check in and after talking to the lady at the counter we had missed our baggage check in time by 5 minutes (yes, you may groan audibly…we did not however, we surprisingly remained very calm). Because we were at the airport before our flight took off, we were scheduled to fly standby on the next flight for free. So we checked our bags on, and headed to the gate. The attendant at the gate told us the next flight was completely full, so we might not get on. Kara came back to the seat and we just sat there and prayed for a few minutes that the Lord would just get us to Massachusetts by the end of the day lol. In the meantime ( I do not know what possessed me to do this) but I bought some breakfast food since I LOVE breakfast food in the middle of the day….baaad idea at the airport…the toast was good, that was pretty much it :/ The eggs literally disinigrated in my mouth….i don’t wish to revisit this memory after tonight. Anyway, Kara and I had worked out a plan that if there was room for only one on the flight then I would take it, and pray her into Providence on the next flight. There was no need to do that though, because we both got called up as “Kara Rish” and “Jennefer Dovis” and both got onto the next flight no problem! It makes me laugh sometimes to see the Lord working everything out knowing He already knew we would miss that flight…whatever the reason, He kept us safe and we got on a plane to Providence.
The flight was nice, but because we were on standby our seats were no longer together. We both sat with very nice people…nice conversation, neither one knew who Jim or Elizabeth Elliot were though. The woman I sat by, as we flew into the Providence airport, said to me, “If you want to go clubbing, you are in the right place!” I told her I wouldn’t be doing that and she laughed and said enjoy your stay. I got to give her a Gospel tract too which she took! So Kara stands up as everyone on the plane is quietly gathering their carryons and says (in an abundant Kara voice) “We’re goin to BOSTON!!” HAHA…so yes everyone on the plane knew our agenda at that point, and we headed to baggage claim.
Kara and I completely disregarded the airline rules…actually let me rephrase…I, JENNIFER DAVIS, completely disregarded the airline rules, so in order to fit all my belongings in on this trip, we had 3 carry-on bags each (remember that for later lol) so we were lugging all our luggage around…that was the point I was hoping to find some nice man to say “Here, let me help you with those” (just kidding dad). So kara and I struggled our way up to the third floor to pick up our rental car, and by the time we got there we were literally sweating from carrying all those bags up the stairs in our winter clothes and heavy coats. We got the car, a definite answer to my prayers, and headed out to pick it up. We were walking out there, and kara had strapped a few of my bags on top of her rolling bag to make the load a little lighter, and I was about 5 feet in front of her when I heard “AGH..nooooo” and turned around to see all the bags dumping completely sideways and about to take Kara with them lol. That is an image I wish I had a picture of J We got in our Kia Rio and drove out of the garage on our way to Massachusetts! It was about an hour and a half drive, and I called Mr. Gren (Elizabeth’s husband) to let him know what time we’d be in. I think on the way there we counted over 50 dunkin donuts…those new Englanders love their dunkin! We also passed the stadium where the Patriots play…Kara knows the name, I am not football savy :/ sorry…
So we arrived in Danvers, MA about 3:30 in the afternoon and as we pull up to our hotel, Kara excitedly says “Hey if they have a pool we DEFINITELY need to go swimming” and I am not kidding as soon as we rounded the corner and the words finished coming out of her mouth, there was the pool…covered with a tarp and large ferns…we both had a good long laugh at that one. We checked in, and the room was actually pretty nice. We got settled, got cleaned up and headed over to the Gren’s house.
I didn’t realize it, but in Massachusetts in the winter it gets pitch black dark at 4:30 in the afternoon, so by the time we got close to their house I could barely see the road. The GPS told me we had arrived and the car pulled to a stop in front of two large iron gates that closed in one of the biggest properties you’ve ever seen right there on the Atlantic. Kara and I just looked at each other and screamed in delight! The house had a call box to open the gates so I called three times but there was no response. So I called Mr. Gren and said “We are here, could you open the front gates?”. His reply…”We don’t have front gates”, so I described to him where we were and he said they were in the house that the road forked left to, and the second drive on that left…which described the gated area to a T. So long story and a couple strange people cut short, an hour later we drove up to a street with a girl standing in solid white from head to toe looking straight at the car. Kara was screaming not to stop, but we did and found out she was Ms. Elizabeth’s caretaker, so she ran in front of the car until we reached the house lol (didn’t want to take any chances on losing us again). When we got to the house, we walked through the hall and into the kitchen where Elizabeth Elliot was sitting on a window seat waiting to leave. I can’t really describe this fully but to see someone who has been a living example of true faithfulness was just indescribable. So I got to sit next to her and Kara, I, and Joy talked with her husband for a few minutes. They had to leave the house pretty quickly but before they left he told us to come by around 11 the next morning and said he’d take us on a tour of Massachusetts (which we were EXSTATIC about!) So Kara and I headed back and on the way stopped by the Causeway, which is a locally recommended place that Mr. Gren told us about. Kara especially wanted to go for the seafood but to have something to talk to them about the next day too. So we pulled up and it was a building the size of my bedroom at home and there were people all out front slightly resembling gang activity…so I asked Kara if she still wanted to go and she did the “Kara yes” nod, so we parked and got a number. It actually turns out there was no gang, and everybody was dressed really well. That’s not completely relevant to this story but I thought I’d throw a good word in for the folks of Magnolia ;) When we walked through the door, everyone stared at us…and that is NOT an exaggeration. They were very friendly though and the food was delicious (I had Italian, but that is also irrelevant). When we left, Kara was carrying the camera box out and a guy at the door asked her to play a musical number for everyone lol…we just walked away laughing. We also had a lot of fun at the hotel, just getting to spend time with each other was nice and getting to relax a little bit was a blessing!



DAY 2:
We got to their house around 11 the next morning and when we walked in we heard old hymns being played on the piano, and when we walked around the corner I saw Elizabeth Elliot just rocking back and forth in front of the living room window watching the Atlantic waves crash against the rocks below.  It was very surreal, all of it. We sat and talked to joy for about an hour until they were ready to go, then we walked outside and Mr. Gren says, “Do you mind driving?” I said no, but I thought I was going to be sick lol-the thought of a legend in my backseat with my ratio of hits to the vehicle was not a comforting thought. So after the first 20 minutes of panic attack, we started our tour. He took us to this big red barn right on the water and then said that every year artists come to the community and paint the barn, each adding his own flare to it.  We got out to take a picture by it and I said “So this is a really big tourist attraction?” He said “Yeah, but I don’t know why-I think it’s stupid!” …Kara and I got to know his humor really quickly lol. So summation, we spent about 7 hours in the car with them, and drove through what seemed like EVERY part of Massachusetts. We got to ask them questions while we were driving, and I’m still kicking myself for not bringing the mic in the car, but Kara and I recorded later everything we could remember about the conversation. It started out with questions about how he and Elizabeth had met, and with each question got a little deeper into the past and he was able to tell us a lot about her, jim and the other missionaries and their relationships. He mentioned that Jim and Ed McCully were actually the closest of friends, which was interesting because of all the wives, Elizabeth and Marilou McCully were the closest, just thought that was neat. I don’t remember if I mentioned, but Elizabeth has completely lost her ability to speak. I tell people it’s similar to talking to a toddler, because you know they understand what you are saying, and can answer you but just don’t have the words to form it yet. When we talked she understood and responded, but most of the talking went through her husband (what a faithful man!). There were several points in the day where I would look back and get a smile from Ms. Elizabeth that just warmed my heart…to think the woman who wrote all of the incredible books and experienced so many incredible circumstances was sitting in my backseat!
When the drive tour was over, we drove to the store to get dinner for all of us, and Lars told Kara and I to stay in the car with Elizabeth. As we sat there, I asked Kara “Do you remember the question you were going to ask her?” (we had both pre planned questions to ask her, before we knew the situation) She said yes but then told me I should ask mine, so I did. I turned around and said “Miss Elizabeth, do you have any advice for me?” She looked right at me with the brightest blue eyes and said, “Yes.” Then for the next two minutes she gave me advice that I could not understand a word of. When she finished, Kara said, “Well, you will know what she said in Eternity.” Don’t take this wrong, I am not mocking her; in fact, I was very discouraged in my mind on the way home. I was saying to the Lord, “Are you mocking me? Why did you send me all the way up here for nothing?”. It was then that He said back to me, “ I’ve already given you all the advice you need. You came expecting a life-changing oration, but you have sought me and you know what I have called you to do. You can look to her as an example of faithfulness and for encouragement, but there is no one that should take my rightful position in your heart.” And I think He brought me there to learn just that. He is my Father, my Friend, my Comforter, the One I confide in…He is all in all, He IS all, and I’ve been trying to fill a reserved spot with everyone but the One who can fulfill all my needs. Kara and I talked a lot after that day and both were touched by different things, but of all we came out with an even greater view of our Savior.
We ate dinner with them, and the conversation was HYSTERICAL. (just ask if you are interested). Lars came in and looked straight at me and Kara and said, “So which one of you is playing the piano for us tonight?” I pointed to Kara since I only know one song, and I didn’t think they wanted to hear “Nearer my God to Thee” for 45 minutes. So Kara and I played and sang the good ole’ hymns of faith for about an hour before dinner, and again, another surreal moment just looking around realizing the place where most of her books were written we were serenading haha! It was just incredible!

DAY 3:
The next day came back just before we left to travel back to Boston to catch our flight to bring the three of them gifts to say thank you for welcoming us and hosting us so graciously! We had written cards to go along with each gift, and as Mr. Gren read ours he seemed to get a little teary-eyed (or he couldn’t read our handwriting :/ ) but thanked us for staying and for fellowshipping with them. I think looking back we were more of a blessing to them than they were to us, which actually blesses my heart more. It’s funny how you go expecting to be the receiver and you get to share in the giving! Praise the Lord for that! We took pictures with all of them before we left, and Mr. Lars gave us cd’s of her speeches and letters that she had written to others about preparing for missions work and writing-and they were an INCREDIBLE blessing!
Kara and I took several pictures in the area before we headed back to Boston. Somehow, we managed to get to the airport late again, but this time we decided to secure the tickets BEFORE we took the rental car back. We went to US Airways because I couldn’t remember the airline because our internet was down in the hotel the night before, so I went off our previous flight…turns out I was wrong. The man at the ticket counter found our flight though in the system but it was Continental, a terminal away. If you’ve ever been to Boston/Logan, it is huge…so we had to drive around another loop and go through the terminals again to get to ours. At this point it was 46 minutes until the flight took off, and we had 1 more minute to check our bags before they wouldn’t take them anymore. So we arrived and Kara beasted our two bags, ran…and I mean RAN up to the ticket counter to check them in. ( Yes, we still have the rental car). So she comes running back with nothing in her hands about 5 minutes later screaming, “CONTINENTAL IS 30 BEFORE!!! GO GO GO!!!” So we booked it to the ramp for the rental car place, which the GPS said was only 1 mile away. Apparently there was a wreck or something on that ramp and it took us about 20 minutes to get the rental car place…25 minutes until take off. We parked, along with 7 other cars that needed checked in and thankfully he got us good to go right as the shuttle was pulling up. We jumped on and headed to the terminal. Kara said security wasn’t long, so we were in good spirits until we got to the line, which was backed up to the escalator (all the little lines were chock full). By the time we got to the security checkpoint we had 10 minutes before our flight took off. He checked our ID’s and when we got to the security belt there was the whole nation of South Korea taking off their belts one loop at a time, so I jumped in front of all of them lol and got through in about 2 minutes without getting stopped. I got through, ran to the gate which thankfully was only about 5 feet away so I asked the lady to hold the gate for her, and they had a back up on the plane so we still had about 15 minutes before the plane would actually take off at this point.
As we entered the door, I was digging through my pockets and couldn’t find my driver’s license. It’s not like me ever to misplace that, so I deduced that I had dropped it as I ran out of the security checkpoint. We voted that Kara go back and I brave my way to the back of the plane with all our bags (6 carryon’s between the two of us…I don’t know how we got away with that…anyway…) I was pretty much one of the last ones on the plane, maybe 10 people behind me, but I had bags sticking out from every possible angle of my person, and I walked down the aisle I’m pretty sure I hit every person on that plane with at least one of my bags…maybe more. So about half way back, 2 very well-rounded people decided to make their way to the front of the plane. They stopped right in front of me and said..and I quote, “You can pass first” I was thinking, “Are you looking at me at all?? WIDE LOAD!” but I chose instead to try to pass. That attempt failed and after 5 minutes literally of this the passengers on the plane ended up passing my bags one by one back to my seat while the lady behind tapped my shoulder and said,  “Um excuse me…can you stop hitting me in the face with your backpack.” So I finally got back, and not to sound gross but I had worked up a sweat through that lol. Kara got back about 5 minutes later and praise the Lord she had my driver’s license with her! She sat down and asked where her phone was. She never gave me her phone. So we concluded that she either left THAT at security or it was in one of the bags, so I started calling it and it sounded like it was coming from the back of the plane…so she leaned up and it sounded like it was coming from the front of the plane.
My mind would have said,  “It’s on the plane…we’ll get it when we land” because at this point, I’m pretty sure everyone on the plane hated me immensely. Not kara…she got down on all fours, in the middle of the aisle, and said to the everyone who was watching, “Bless my face!” then proceeded to pull out EVERY single one of our bags into the aisle to dig through….and the phone was still ringing at this point. (Kara’s reasoning was if she didn’t find it and turn it off, the phone would mess up our flights tracking patterns….) So she searches for another 5 minutes, and the stewardess comes up and asks her if she’s ok and then I hear it…the voice of frustration from the woman sitting in the seat in front of Kara…”Ugh…*pause and insert groaning sound effect and prepare to say the next phrase in a new jersey accent* IT’S IN YA BACK POCKET.” Kara started giggling…a lot….and that is the point in which I turned my head away. I’ve never heard an audible groan from so many people at one time, but to say the flight was eventful would have been an understatement. We DID make it back safely to Charlotte and our brothers were there to pick us up and take us back to Greenville.
It was an indescribable trip and the Lord had a reason for every moment of it. I may think of more after I post this and have to add to it, but praise the Lord for that opportunity and what He taught us, and I hope above all to see her in glory someday and say, “Thank you for encouraging me to press on.”, and all without saying a word. Thank you, Lord for these moments…they are irreplaceable, and may we honor you by using them for You; may we follow their example, but always hold YOU highest in our hearts...thank you, Lord...for what I didn't deserve...

Sunday, January 1, 2012

"And He said unto them, Go..."

Welcome to the New Year.... tonight was one New Year's Eve I don't want to ever forget...

In Pensacola, we have what is called the "Pelican Drop"..they get a huge crane and everybody in the city of Pensacola goes downtown to watch the crane lower the lighted Pelican...then everyone screams for the New Year. You are probably laughing about this, but people love it here lol. Tonight was the first night I've been and it's been around for the past 3 years now, I was just never interested in going.
This event I have heard nearly PRAISED from the city of Pensacola...a just "have to be there" event...so let me tell you just what people are praising....When we finally got to the main drag where everyone was waiting to see the drop, I couldn't look in one direction without seeing someone drinking, smoking, or making out. The group I was in moved out of the street and over by a fountain to wait outside of the smoke cloud for the new year to roll in. While we were waiting a group of 3 guys, not older than 15 I think, came through the alleyway and the two on the ends were holding their friend in the middle up. At first, when we saw them, we assumed he was drunk and they were just helping him along, but they came back up the alleyway and sat down on a curb, and that's when we started watching all of them. The guy in the middle could not even hold his head up; his eyes kept rolling into the back of his head and  he kept falling back into the mulch. There was something definitely wrong, so one of the guys in our group went over and a few minutes later brought back the police. When his wife approached them they cursed at her and the scene progressed until we were only watching again while the boys parents showed up and eventually the EMT. While the EMT was checking him, he threw up on himself repeatedly and would go from having his head in his arms to just staring blankly ahead, with literally no brain activity whatsoever. An ambulance arrived and 2 more EMT's had to lift his limp body onto a stretcher and pump him full of oxygen. The police officer came over and thanked us for getting them and the young man who cursed out the woman from our group turned directly to her and said thank you.
I am not just telling this to be dramatic..I was sitting there watching all of this take place and I am telling you it is as if the Lord looked DIRECTLY at me and said, "This is America's youth...do you see the need?" I get so wrapped up in things that don't matter when this generation are marching themselves right into Hell. I asked the Lord to keep that young man's image tonight ALWAYS in my mind so that I never forget the need..that I never fall into the lazy train of thought that says 'Someone else will get um''. Why am I here? Why did He place me in full view of that entire situation tonight? Because I forget too easily and the Lord knew I needed an image stamped in my heart of a lost youth that would surface every time I give an excuse not to share the Gospel. If I am not living to bring that light, then what good am I? I am only a salt that has lost it's savor-that is henceforth good for NOTHING. I am starting this New Year on my knees before a Holy God who has been very patient, and I am begging Him to use me to bring the next generation to Him. That is my calling and I say to every Believer who reads this that we have been passing by long enough and the world cannot afford to wait for us any longer...it is time to OBEY.

"And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the Gospel to every creature."